WWJD

W.W.J.D.

I believe that everybody is familiar with this acronym. Am I right? Yes.

Yes because Society has commercialized it. It stands for “What would Jesus do”. However, the words got in the way of the meaning. The tag line, if you will, served to become the driving force for capitalizing. Ironically undemonstrative of the way Jesus lived.

Haunted part deaux

It was the last weekend of May in 2003. A few days before my surgery. Chip and I both - simultaniously observed out his 2nd story window, a Man. Actually we saw just his head. There was no balcony to stand on. Nothing was causing a reflection, trust me I tried to find an explanation of it. The funny thing is .... how is it that ghosts have mustaches? His hair and mustache looked 1800's style. He had a shit eating grin I will never forget. He stood there, well floated really, at first a serious look until he knew we saw him then that impish grin and it seemed he started to snicker but I was too freaked out and covered my face until I was told he was gone. The shit scared the crap outta me!!

Haunted Salem

There is always someone who remembers. There has to be. Like the haunted Salem I've encountered. There off 12th place. The strange happenings there... and 6 years later in 2003... 2 blocks away I experienced even more intense undeniable other-worldly events. And this time I saw the SOB. Plain as you and me.... basically. Not that foggy see through image they show on tv but not completely in the flesh. Hard to explain. Impossible to prove, but definately real. Don't ask me why I've been thinking about lately. Just that I have.

Money

why...?

...

The Barking Roof-Dogs now grow tired and helplessly naive.
So sad their purpose died and not one soul will grieve.
Pointless living ...
Needy Nothings wasted like the days we spend passing the Barking Roof-Dogs.

This is Me

As of July 14, 2005

As of 7/14/2005 12:37:17 AM PST
I am 35 years old.I am 430 months old.
I am 1,868 weeks old.I am 13,080 days old.
I am 313,922 hours old.I am 18,835,357 minutes old.
I am 1,130,121,437 seconds old.

Wow.... so when did I really write that last post?

On the Menu

You know how I am; I have to get things off my chest and onto paper. “Unload”, so to speak. I guess this part of me will never change although it has transcended, expanded and contracted.
It is alive as it breathes through me… as if I am an implement, a smoke delivery device, if you will. It draws in deeply, remaining there – in the very cavity my lonely heart dwells in until it becomes completely toxic requiring an expelling of all… through me.
Then, a desperate, short-lived, sigh of relief. (On the other hand, maybe, this is all just gas caused from that Me-I-could’ve-Bean Salad I’ve been cramming down my neck lately!)

I realize that thinking about the past is silly. That yesterday is irrelevant. I should totally be feeling this but, I’m not. I’m not convinced.
The past is not gone. It isn’t easy to say to myself, “Hey, live and learn!” - “Grow from here!” - “Your life is now”
…and the moments yet to come (that I am destined –or doomed- to pass in, I’ll greet with a positive attitude and Pro-activity coursing through my veins. I’ll be there with fucking bells on – Right?!!
Not when the last 11,745 days of bad decisions, reactions, no-actions, forgotten ideas, distracted plans, wasteful ways, self destruction, solid-real love/relationship deficiency has consumed all 281,880 minutes with regret and/or lead me here to where I am today.
Yes I regret my past. I’ve lived through 32 Christmas’, 14 Mother’s Days, a little over 200 menstrual cycles, 348 full moons. I’ve smoked damn near 10,000 cigarettes and sat on a toilet at least 40,000 times.
Does any of that add up to a happy yesterday story? No. Wednesday’s child is full of woe. Sunday’s child is in perpetual rest and restlessness.
I am an idiot. I am enveloped in the smoke of my own burning delirium, now scattered with the ashes – the cinders of sanity. I confront shadows. I can only implicate a thought. My creativity is illusive and peace is just a vision.

I have forgotten my purpose, young or old… lost the calling.
“Happiness is a state of mind.”

Sometimes we take off when we should take on and, if we fail to go within, we go without.
The big picture couldn’t be louder than a whisper so if I cover my mouth to smell the textures, I will fulfill the third part of me.

Melinda Marinko