From All Thoughts Everywhere
(THE FOLLOWING IS WHERE I WENT OFF ON ANOTHER TANGENT :) sorry
My son Turned 18 last month. This is his last year in high school. He listens to music with positive messages and always looking for more.He is going to be a pastor. This was his idea. (He used to get his little sister up on Sunday mornings when he was around 7/8yrs and She-5/6 to go to church 3 or 4 blocks away. I didn’t take him and didn’t tell him. He just did it. He starts Immersion Discipleship Next year then the year after that leadership-training institute and to the University in LA to get his Masters. He told me that for the first time in his life he just "knows" it is what he is meant to do. It's scary for him nonetheless, especially the thought of being in a position where everything he does is scrutinized. I know that God put him here. There is no reason that boy should have ever existed. This is another long story that I need to remind myself of more often. Because I am part of something that I would have a hard time believing if I hadn't lived it. (No, he was NOT an "immaculate" conception) I'm not going to go into it now but I will tell you this. For a year PRIOR to David's conception I had reoccurring dreams with down-to-detail-REAL. (like houses, places being EXACTLY as they are in life... not the usual distorted funky dream versions) of long journeys or obstacle courses, so to speak, just to get to my baby (a baby I was not having - definitely not planning and certainly not ready for... I was 17...but these were just dreams. Right) Every time I always made it to him, he had these beautiful blue eyes, and when I picked him up he hugged me and I would wake up feeling a love that was unconditional - indescribable. Familiar. I'm lacking a better analogy now but it was like being away from home for a few months and when you get into your own bed the first time- again- you realize you had forgotten how comfortable it was and you appreciate it ... even if you never had before. Kind of Like that ... but way more intense. When he was born his face and eyes were already so familiar I had to remind myself that it was actually the first time we met. But he looked up at me and my mom and I both will never forget how his "expression" (yes newborn - 30 seconds minutes old) was as if he had just walked from NY to So Cal in the winter and kick in a few doors once he got there to get to me and he knew I was going through it too but isn’t life grand we can relax now?! He didn't cry much. He was more interested in checking everything out than nursing. It is just beyond my ability to fully grasp the depth of this experience therefore I am unable to explain it myself.
And I'm sorry I really was NOT going to get long winded on you again. Thanks for letting me spill on your screen here. It's been a long time since I thought about these things and it's been important to get to where I'm going so I need to remember where I've been......? Is that cliché, or what? Don't even ask me where that came from.
My son Turned 18 last month. This is his last year in high school. He listens to music with positive messages and always looking for more.He is going to be a pastor. This was his idea. (He used to get his little sister up on Sunday mornings when he was around 7/8yrs and She-5/6 to go to church 3 or 4 blocks away. I didn’t take him and didn’t tell him. He just did it. He starts Immersion Discipleship Next year then the year after that leadership-training institute and to the University in LA to get his Masters. He told me that for the first time in his life he just "knows" it is what he is meant to do. It's scary for him nonetheless, especially the thought of being in a position where everything he does is scrutinized. I know that God put him here. There is no reason that boy should have ever existed. This is another long story that I need to remind myself of more often. Because I am part of something that I would have a hard time believing if I hadn't lived it. (No, he was NOT an "immaculate" conception) I'm not going to go into it now but I will tell you this. For a year PRIOR to David's conception I had reoccurring dreams with down-to-detail-REAL. (like houses, places being EXACTLY as they are in life... not the usual distorted funky dream versions) of long journeys or obstacle courses, so to speak, just to get to my baby (a baby I was not having - definitely not planning and certainly not ready for... I was 17...but these were just dreams. Right) Every time I always made it to him, he had these beautiful blue eyes, and when I picked him up he hugged me and I would wake up feeling a love that was unconditional - indescribable. Familiar. I'm lacking a better analogy now but it was like being away from home for a few months and when you get into your own bed the first time- again- you realize you had forgotten how comfortable it was and you appreciate it ... even if you never had before. Kind of Like that ... but way more intense. When he was born his face and eyes were already so familiar I had to remind myself that it was actually the first time we met. But he looked up at me and my mom and I both will never forget how his "expression" (yes newborn - 30 seconds minutes old) was as if he had just walked from NY to So Cal in the winter and kick in a few doors once he got there to get to me and he knew I was going through it too but isn’t life grand we can relax now?! He didn't cry much. He was more interested in checking everything out than nursing. It is just beyond my ability to fully grasp the depth of this experience therefore I am unable to explain it myself.
And I'm sorry I really was NOT going to get long winded on you again. Thanks for letting me spill on your screen here. It's been a long time since I thought about these things and it's been important to get to where I'm going so I need to remember where I've been......? Is that cliché, or what? Don't even ask me where that came from.
posted by Melminda at 12/28/2005 12:28:00 AM
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