That first second thought...

I hate you. I mean that from the bottom of my dark and empty heart…my numb and apathetic soul and, with every inch of this pit of wasted space in which my breath, and these words, echo. With every distant memory of desire and affection. With every wasted "tick-tick" running out the clock on my fleeting youth – my fading life.

I see you – the loud and hungry vacuum that sucked out – flushed away – and have now completely forgotten – every fleck, glimmer, beam and ray of light that shined in me when we met... now I shine – no more. It’s dark in this barren cave you give me for all I've lost to you.

I know your narcissistic soul, shallow heart and narrow mind, and… I hate you.

I hate the air you breathe… the ground you walk on; the space you waste; your ever-growing collection of junk and garbage, and the actual dirt and filth you spread onto everything. (Ev-er-y thing? EV-ER-Y thing!)  I hate your lies and how they’re told. I hate the head games you play, as well as each and every one of your many always changing personalities. I hate the lie that you are.  I hate your look; your sound; your smell; your taste; I hate your tone, your hue, your height, your weight, your dreams, your fears, your jokes, your laugh, your ass…. And yes, even your face.

It was as if I had slit my own wrists, slowly bleeding out, since the moment I gave you that first, second thought.

Melinda Marinko

1/25/2015 6:39 AM PST

Salem, OR 

for TAB